Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
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An American lawyer asked, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?' 'Who told you that?' asked Paddy.
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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can understand them.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.' 'That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'
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Irish lass customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?' Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you be using the dressing room.'
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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?' 'No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.'
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Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor.
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Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .
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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. 'Quick!' he said. 'Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!' 'Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked. 'No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'.'
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'O'Ryan,' asked the druggist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?' 'It did surely,' replied O'Ryan, 'but it keeps fallin' off!'
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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
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My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
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